psalm 51: the road to back to you

amazing-desktop-broken-windows-windows
i’m trying to find my way
back, but it’s not my sins
that block the way, i just
seem to be thwarted at
every turn by this crippling,
paralyzing shame.

i’m tempted to call out
for your mercy, to ask you
to wash me clean from my stains,
but maybe i’m not really
really interested in your compassion
at all, maybe i’m really just
asking you to scour my soul
until it’s bloody and raw.

so now i’m not asking you to
purify me, i’m only asking you
to show me how i can wash away
this constant residue of judgement
that keeps me from seeing myself
as i truly am: not forever marked
with iniquity, just a little fractured
in a few too many places.

don’t let me off the hook,
please don’t allow me the luxury
of this self-loathing;
just gently guide my steps
into these broken places
so i may finally discover
the road that leads
back to you.

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4 Comments on “psalm 51: the road to back to you”

  1. abunaalgodon says:

    so very helpful, brant. thanks.

    shame, the ‘crippling, paralyzing’ sort you speak of is about self – ‘wicked from my birth, a sinner from my mother’s womb’ – and is only healed by the kind of love that invites me to see myself ‘as i truly am’.

    the ‘just a little fractured in a few too many places’ is different. ah, but let me count the ways. i’ll remember that line the next time i make confession.

  2. >> i’m only asking you
    to show me how i can wash away
    this constant residue of judgement
    that keeps me from seeing myself
    as i truly am: not forever stained
    with iniquity, just a little fractured
    in a few too many places. >>

    Beautiful.

  3. Barbara H says:

    so helpful!

  4. Ann C. Schmidt says:

    Brant, Thank you! Ann

    ________________________________


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